So much optimism for the new season and second episode! Not for the characters, of course, they will all most likely and hopefully die a bloody death (Season 5 delivered a happy ending, this season owes us in blood). Optimism for gore and dirt and jump scares. American Horror Story has been incredibly shiny and stylized the last few seasons, we deserve a bit of filth. Onward to Episode 2!
Play-by-play:
- Picking up right where we left off. Yoga instructor in the woods facing off with a guy missing a skull cap.
- Is that Lady Gaga with Kathy Bates? Oh, please, let it be. She wore all the sequins last season, some dirt on everyone would be nice.
- Kathy Bates always has the best ideas. Why not roast someone on a spit wearing a pig head? Sure, purification, sounds great, Kathy.
- I wonder if they ate him.
- Oh, how sweet, husband brought a teddy bear to the hospital, that makes up for seeing a human sacrifice and being accused of taking hallucinogens. I’m sure Sarah Paulson is all good, now. And she is! Gonna stay. Fantastic plan.
- Not to be a broken record, but where’s Evan Peters?
- Seriously digging the Unsolved Mysteries format. In the age of Investigation Discovery, it’s both an inevitable and logical format. Much better than if they had fallen into the hidden camera or handheld footage trap.
- And exactly fifteen minutes into the second episode, everyone is lost in the woods again.
- Police protection! Will Evan Peters be the police protection?
- OH SHIT ARE THOSE THE DEAD NURSES FROM SEASON ONE? More connector threads! Okay, I’m going to try to keep up with these threads but not let it distract too much from the current narrative.
- None of the cops are Evan Peters. Sigh.
- YES. Kid talking to the closet. This is promising! Tell us about Priscilla…
- Hide and seek in that house? No thank you. But, nothing beats a kid in the closet talking to her “imaginary friend” about everyone being slaughtered.
- Nailed and bloody wiggling…what?? WHAT? What was on the wall? Fingers? Intestines? Penises!! No, probably pig tails.
- Famous last words: “We were worried she was there to lure us into a trap …” … so we decided to take the ladder leading underground into a cellar. But hey! Video Denis O’Hare payoff.
- This is kind of a silly explanation, this whole Old Folks Home Sister Spaghettios Murder game, but I like the idea that maybe Kathy Bates and her peeps thought it was silly, too, and called it off by killing them.
- More famous last words: “I didn’t think it could get any worse.” Seriously, Husband Narrator shouldn’t be allowed to talk.
- Little girl is back! … and little girl is gone …
Let’s recap:
In episode Number 2, Kathy Bates’ crew roasted a guy on a spit, and video-Denis O’Hare revealed the story of the “Let’s Kill People and Spell Murder” Old Folks Home Owner sisters that previously lived in the house. No real indication how those are connected to Kathy Bates, or the “Swamp People” (as the couple in the house affectionately call them) that bid on the house in the first episode. Angela Bassett brought her daughter in for some nice Carol Ann communication and creepiness, and in suitable Carol Ann fashion, she disappeared. Evan Peters is still nowhere to be seen, but it’s early days. Still intrigued. This episode moved more slowly, probably because the dual character/re-enactment narration isn’t brand new to us, so it slows down the pace a bit. It ends with more questions than answers, sticking to a solid formula.
Big prediction: Shelby (Lily Rabe/Sarah Paulson) is in on everything. At the end of E1/beginning of E2, while lost in the woods, she makes some kind of deal or pact with the Kathy Bates faction. Or maybe I just can’t trust Lily Rabe because I love her too much.
We got hints of The Shining (creepy sisters), Poltergeist (little girl communicates with mysterious entities), Amityville Horror (windows, windows, windows), every cabin in the woods film, and I would even say a bit of Anne Rice (with the Kathy Bates flashbacks) but I know that’s wishful thinking based on my teenage years that tells me all very old and large houses with connections to the swamps are probably going to yield witch or vampire histories and at least three scenes with masked balls. In reality, swamps can sometimes only yield large bugs and rednecks.
To conclude, those were definitely pig tails nailed on everything, not penises.
See you next week!
AMANDA GOWIN
