Yes, it’s that time of year again – Christmas, when you have to rack your brains to get that perfect present for the love of your life/sister/brother/parent/creepy relative who lives in a crumbling old mansion somewhere in the country/stalker/psycho neighbour/pet hound you bought off someone called Baskerville. Gift-buying is stressful at the best of times but at Christmas even more so, especially if that person is a horror fan – you couldn’t imagine giving them something ordinary and tasteful, could you? So, in a slightly twisted celebration of the season of goodwill and much alcohol, here are some ideas for wonderful gifts for that person in your life that you find yourself affectionately describing as ‘weird’ or ‘touched’.
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1. Creepy Baby Doll Arm Soap Set ($4.99)
This gift (and the next) also depends on how freaked out you are with the thought of seeing these in your bathroom – but, by the same token (and as the product description contends), could also be fabulously entertaining in certain circumstances. In fact, these could be essential tools for deterring scary Auntie Ethel or mirthless Uncle Dick from ever visiting you again. They’re made from vegan glycerin, smell of baby powder and there are two arms per set.
2. Blood Bath Shower Gel (£6.99)
This little item would be great for re-enacting the Psycho shower scene in the safety and comfort of your own home! (Just make sure the house is soundproof before letting rip with the bloodcurdling screams, however) It even comes packaged as a blood bag as used in transfusions by hospitals – a really nice touch for certified authenticity. The ‘blood’ is cherry-scented, can be hung from the shower curtain rail and be squeezed out of the nozzle at the bottom of the pouch.
3. Cthulhu Mini-Plush toy ($9.99)
Are you heartily sick of cute little teddy bears and soft-toys depicting doe-eyed anime characters? Then why not go for the ultimate in plush bed-time companions for your loved one with this Cthulhu Mini-Plush? Not only will he keep them safe during the dread hours of darkness but, come the fated day when the stars are right and his Eldritch Awesomeness rises up from his dreaming slumbers in R’lyeh, he will instantly know where your allegiances lie – it may just save your life!
4. Wordsworth Editions: Tales of Mystery and the Supernatural Series (£2.99 each)
This series of affordable paperbacks of classic ghost stories and mysteries is the perfect gift for those who would like to read chilling tales from the ‘pioneer’ days of the genre that has since become known as horror. Authors such as HP Lovecraft, Ambrose Bierce, Dennis Wheatley, MR James and J Sheridan le Fanu are represented here in uniform editions, complete with striking artwork on the covers and insightful introductions – many of these modern editions are the first reprinting of the authors’ work since they were originally published
5. The Concrete Grove by Gary McMahon (Solaris) (£4.63)
One of the authors in the vanguard of the resurgence of British horror writers, Gary McMahon has been quietly and steadily building up a loyal following for his gritty, grim stories of urban-based horror. He transports the reader to places you and I are familiar with as everyday taken-for-granted locations, and makes them seem utterly alien and frightening beyond. The Concrete Grove is his latest mass-market paperback, the first in his Concrete Grove trilogy.
6. The Ritual by Adam Nevill (Pan Macmillan) (£4.55)
Another British horror writer producing sterling work, Adam Nevill has produced two novels of consistently high quality which have garnered great praise across the board. The Ritual is his latest, a story of an ill-fated trip into the Scandinavian Arctic for four old university friends – what they find is not the stunning landscape that they expect but a brooding, eerie forest that has remained practically untouched for millennia. Can their friendships survive the haunting menace of the old forest and the bestial presence that stalks it? More pertinently, can they physically survive long enough to return to civilisation?
7. The Quatermass Collection DVD 3-disc set (£8.49)
The perfect gift for fans of British television horror, this 3-disc set features Nigel Kneale’s most famous creation, Professor Quatermass, in three thrilling remastered black and white adventures from the golden age of television: The Quatermass Experiment (1953), Quatermass II (1955) and Quatermass and the Pit (1958). In addition to the films themselves, the DVDs also come with extras like a Booklet, a Making of Documentary and Photo Gallery.
8. 2012 Zombie Wall Calendar (£7.49)
A gift for the fan of shambling undead flesh-eating and brain-munching creatures, this gift will give pleasure the whole year round.
9. Hammer House of Horror Mugs (£3.49)
Do you know someone who loves tea or coffee as well as horror? Well then, you can combine them both with these officially-licensed Hammer House of Horror mugs. Choose from a number of designs, including Dracula, The Mummy, Quatermass II, Curse of Frankenstein and Twins of Evil, these quality ceramic mugs are dishwasher-proof and hold up 10oz of fluid.
10. The Mammoth Book of Best New Horror 22 edited by Stephen Jones (Mammoth Books) (£4.31)
A collection of the year’s best new horror stories, guaranteed to keep a horror aficionado happy with months of quality reading from some of the genre’s brightest talents – and at such a great price for more than 20 tales, it’s even more of a bargain!
SIMON MARSHALL-JONES
